Sunday, March 15, 2009

Love notes

Yes, today's the day. My Medicare card is on its way. I am turning the big "65" and have very mixed feelings about this whole getting older thing. At 60, I felt much more svelte, alive and adventurous. A lot has changed these past swift five years. Some good. Some not so good. Life happens, eh? I am working again, full time. Retirement seems farther away than ever now that the Ponzi schemers on Wall Street and greedy bankers have vaporized my one 401K plan which was modest to begin with. It's not like me to wake up with depressing thoughts, especially on my birthday.

A phone call from Jenn just now had me smiling and provided a much needed mood correction. If I jettison the self-pity and look at the adult kids and grandchildren, I can sit back and say, "Wow, did these amazing creatures come from me?" Nature versus nurture. It has to be both.

My mom would be 100 years old at the end of this month if she were still with us. I think she provided a true holding environment for me and I hope I carried on that tradition of love, laughter, common sense and goodness. "Be good." Those were her last words to me. I hope that's become a family legacy.

My daughter got me to sign up on Facebook a few months back. Recently, I challenged her to write a response to a list of questions that were being asked of small children. I felt that adult kids should have the opportunity to reflect on their parents too. Here are Jenn's answers:

1. What is something Mom always says to you?
a) It's going to get better, Sweetpea.
b) Did you take your meds?
c) I love you.
d) Want to go get a bite to eat?

2. What makes Mom happy?
Let me count the ways. Mom has a terrible psychiatric condition called euthymia...which means happiness finds her, everywhere.

3. What makes Mom sad?
Seeing me sad.
The past.
The things she never found out from her mom.

4. How does your Mom make you laugh?
Again: let me count the ways. We are so divinely different and so the same, it's a perfect setup for comic material. Her ethnic chameleon ways: "HOLA! I AM MARIA ELENA!" Rear-ending parked cars: "That wasn't so bad. I don't know why you had to act like that was so bad. Was that bad? Don't look. Was that bad? Get out and look but don't look like you're looking." Her posting Auschwitz pictures ON FACEBOOK.

5. What was your Mom like as a child?
Strapped to an accordion. Fearful of nuns, chubby until high school, where she was a laugher and adored.

6.How old is Mom?
I am answering this one - the big "65" today!!

7. How tall is your Mom?
5'3 to 5'4ish.

8. What is Mom's favorite thing to do?
Sunday drives, like her father used to do. Shopping with me. Writing fan fiction. Travel to London, Krakow, anywhere. Playing with her grandkids, on both coasts. Posting pictures of my brother and me on Facebook while we beg her to stop.

9. What does your Mom do when you're not around?
Write naughtier fan fiction than usual. Pray to the shrine of Amanda Tapping.

10. If your Mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Writing a fabulous book about blogging with her crazy, but lovable, daughter.

11. What is your Mom really good at?
Again, let me count the ways: She taught me how to write. She is the least defensive person I've ever known. She is a GENIUS BRILLIANT MUSICIAN. She is wonderful at caring for me...still. She tries so hard to understand my brain, even though it is a foreign country, no map.

12. What is your Mom not very good at?
Parking at the movie theatre. Watching a movie without talking. Subtleties, nuance. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

13. What does your Mom do for her job?
Helps kids find internships and get into college. HARD work.

14. What is Mom's favorite food?
Those little cucumber and fish circles drizzled in vinegar at the Thai restaurant. Pierogies, the real deal. Carbohydrates, baby.

15. What makes you proud of your Mom?
Her ability to roll with the punches, and to keep an open, hopeful heart and fabulous good humor, no matter how bad things get.

16. If your Mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Maria Elena, the Ethnic Chameleon.

17. What do you and your Mom do together?
What DON'T we do together? Eat at every Bennigan's on the East Coast. Reminisce about family, old photographs. Take day trips together. Laugh together. Cry together. Get coffee together. Do laundry together. Watch 'Zack and Miri Make a Porno' together.

Wait, here's what we don't do together -- I can answer my own question: fight. We don't fight. We got that all out of the way a long time ago and now we're just crazy about each other.

18. How are you and your Mom the same?
Loving. Compassionate. Full of humor. Freak out at veins and IVs.

19. How are you and your Mom different?
It changes. Right now: She is white chocolate, sunshine, resilience, unencumbered, hopeful, outgoing. I am dark chocolate, a cloudy day, shaky, burdened, fearful, exhausted by social events. For now. And I don't mind the dog poo and Eli's enormous Shetland pony ways. Or 'Zack and Miri.'

20. How do you know your Mom loves you?
I know it with every fiber of my being. She says it in every phone call. She radiates it. It is the one thing I have never doubted, and that sure is saying something in a lifetime. She gives her all for me, no matter how exhausted she is.

21. Where is your Mom's favorite place to go?
London! And the Red Carpet (restaurant where she picks up hot dudes).

Thanks, Jenn, for this birthday gift! And thanks, Mom, for planting the seed.


Mir said...

Happy birthday!! I'd say your relationship with Jenn is the very definition of mutual blessing. I hope to be half the mom you are, and that my little girl will someday write nice things about me, too. :)

Terry said...

Ah, happy, happy, HAPPY birthday to one of the purest, sunniest souls I only know via the internet! But the next time you are on the left coast we need to have a nice leisurely lunch together somewhere--I'll drive to Seattle if that's what it will take. Have a great day and don't even think about your retirement account.

Wayne said...

Happy Birthday, Cousin E!

I love reading your posts about the time you and Jenn spend together. It reminds me a lot of time I spent with my Mom.

Thanks for writing and enjoy your day!

velocibadgergirl said...

Happy birthday, dear friend! :D

kirsty said...

Happy Birthday, E! Maybe one day you will add Australia to the list of your fav places to visit and I will find a local restaurant where you can meet hot Australian men!

Jane said...

Happy Birthday Mater!

pogonip said...

I hope it was a wonderful day for you! Wishes for a joy-filled year to come!

doow said...

Happy birthday to you! I loved the adult take on the Facebook meme. "Get out and look but don't look like you're looking" made me laugh out loud.

Swistle said...


Patti McCracken said...

Happy Birthday!
In looking at the photo of what must be you and your mother... and then seeing the photo below it (earlier entry) of your little granddaughter--it seems your granddaughter and the your mother look alike, no?

geogirl said...

Wow, that was terrific. How often do parents get to hear what their kids think about them. (the good stuff I mean!) What a wonderful gift and what a great daughter!

You two are lucky to have each other.

Happy B-Day Mater!

Earthmamagoddess said...

awww so sorry I missed this on YOUR day...Hope it was brilliant and lovely you deserve a PERFECT birth day celebration!

thank you for all you offer me, a strangerfriend :)

jenniwd said...

Happy Happy Mater. Wanna come down again for lots of good talk and a little celebration?