Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Step away from the clothes
The Fashion Police have raided my closet. Translation: my daughter has decided to review her mother's wardrobe now that MOTHER HAS LANDED A NEW JOB!
Yes, I've been busy these past two weeks interviewing for a position as a college-placement counselor at a local school. Yesterday, I got the good news - they offered me the job. Today, I went to finalize the details.
Jenn, in the meantime, had decided to make sure that I didn't embarrass myself, her and her progeny, and any other living sentient being who may be related to me by showing up in something that would not a) enhance my figure and b) deconstruct style for the Baby-Boomer generation. Before I could go to my final meeting at the school, my daughter stuffed me into an Oprah-bra-of-the-month, black and sexy, all the while reminding me to "lift and tuck". She then led me to eBay to purchase my own version. This was not enough. I could tell by the glint in her eye that she was about to invade my closet. There were shrieks and moans and soon most of what I had considered "casual chic" was lying strewn across my bed begging to be delivered to the nearest thrift store. Nothing else would appease the adult child (who still has nightmares of my dressing her and her brother in multi-colored floral-print play pants when they were toddlers).
What can I say?! I'm a fashion flunkie. I would love to have a certain flair and style of my own but never found time to do the homework. My casual chic is obviously casual shriek to the 30-something generation.
I was reminded that I was too short for straight-legged pants and v-necks were the only way to go to offset my Polish genetic endowment. Handbags? Oh, she had a field day with those ... they're also leaving the premises.
It was hard giving up some of the old jackets and skirts but Jenn was adamant about her mother's image.
"No way. NO. No. Not negotiable. You've got to be kidding me. Gone. Goodbye. This is about starting over, Mom."
The Gucci Gestapo has spoken, even if she's only living high-end on Land's End.
Finding the job was rather easy compared to this next mission. I have a feeling that eBay and I are going to become quite interactive. I wonder if the fashion police are related to the local sheriff?